THE M-word, C-word Connection

Yesterday i was for some reason reminded of a debate during my ISI days in the hostel. the topic was, "Marriage, as a social institution has outlived its use". of course i did not participate but was listening to all the arguments that went back and forth. amidst all the rhetoric, there were a couple of compelling arguments FOR the issue but i felt that the arguments weren't strong enough; rhetoric isn't good enough to win a debate, you also need atleast a couple of strong arguments.
of course, the team arguing AGAINST, won the day then.

Yesterday, i was escorting my mom to DC(Washington) on account of it being probably the best day she would get to see in this winter(the temperature touched 70 F). The day certainly was one of the finest i'd seen in the past 6 winters now.
the return trip on the train saw a rather full train and so our seats were kind of distant. having nothing to do for the greater half of the journey, i sat rather bored gazing into the dark. soon enough i couldn't help overhear the conversation between the white lady in a black coat and the black gentleman in a white shirt, seated opposite me. they seemed to be office colleagues since the conversation did not have any of the awkward silences, a conversation between perfect strangers in a crowded atmosphere is bound to have. and despite all the hushes in the conversation and the rattling of the train, i heard the woman say something to the effect that she didn't care what others thought about this (whatever the 'this' was, i don't know) and that she preferred to live ln her own terms. and strange as brains are, i was reminded of that debate.
not by any simple direct connection. it is a little too difficult to analyze WHY i was reminded of the debate but that is not what i wish to talk about. i felt i had a bolder argument FOR the debate that the debaters totally missed.
now what i am about to propound is probably a little too bohemian and may sound `western' as well. i should also iterate that this is not how i feel about the whole issue or any such thing - the discussion is totally academic. and if the ulema of the married world are still ready to issue a sort of fatwa against me saying my head seems too addled, please remember that the train was rattling a fair bit.
in today's time, one's longest standing live-in relationship before marriage is with one's parents and that lasts about 17-18 years before one embarks on college life, which further leads to a different lifestyle altogether. and despite what one might argue, it is true that our personal spaces have sort of enlarged in the sense that we all seem to need more alone time and less intrusion in our lives -both physical and mental. the very idea of ` till death do us apart' seems, in this case, a rather strong restriction! i cannot help notice that to keep a marriage healthy, there needs to be a sense of exploration between the 2 involved. once one's tricks (so to speak) are all exhausted, boredom begins to creep in and after a while, the little nothings that we probably never thought were issues to avoiding a marriage, become glaringly big annoyances. sooner or later, the spouse becomes ( in chronological order) :
a) boring,
b) annoying,
c) boring and annoying (= irritating).
and this might happen without the irritator realizing that the partner has now assumed the role of an 'irritatee'.

in olden times, i would guess marriage kept the communities together. marriages were also (as we have learnt in our history books) one way to ensure peace or a means for annexation of empires or
strengthening one's position (socially, financially or any other way). and the kings of course always had their harems and the queens had all the servants and the jewelry.
in today's world, some of those key aspects seem to be losing their significance. especially with more empowered women finally speaking out against all the chauvinist crap they have to put up with, the equations are a little more balanced than they used to be.
call me a cynic or a pessimist if you will, but personally, i feel that people on the average, seem better to interact with if it is just for a few minutes and things get progressively worse like the proverbial stinking fish, within 3 days upon prolonged exposure. to use the C -word ( i mean culture and not the name of the ship on arrested development) to justify marriage seems to me an easy way to win an argument since that is one ill-defined term which can be and usually is abused no end. to say things like "marriage completes a man" is like saying that "childbirth maketh the woman". while these might be very joyous and wonderful phases of one's life, they are not these things by definition or by some zany extension of the word, 'culture'. and this seemed to me a rather valid debating point that no one in the debate even raised. i might (and probably am too) be wrong in some of my conclusions but nonetheless, i think the debating point is a good one.
finally let me sign off with another M-word and C-word: Merry Christmas!

You wake up with a splitting headache in the morning, the headache attributed to two factors: the booze from yesterday and the meeting due with your advisor today ; you run into the shower and then realize that the hot water is out for some stupid reason (so that was what that lengthy note on the door from the renting company was!); you hop out like a rabbit hoping to get some comfort from Messrs Folgers or Nescafe and then realize that the milk in the fridge has gone bad; you check the fridge to get a bite of something and notice that the last item in the fridge was the bad milk; you quickly get ready (chuck that half-consumed glass of coffee-curds into the trash) and go firstly to drop off the dvd you had rented - and then realize that you still have the dvd in your computer and that it was only the cover that you just deposited into the dropbox; you then realize that there was a fine due if the dvd were not returned today (and you didn't even like the film!); you realize that today was also the last day to pay your gas bill, which for some reason seemed excessive (though second thoughts assured that you had indeed consumed all of it) and that failure to do the same would result in termination of service; you run towards the department and on the way, slip on the only little frozen spot on the sidewalk and fall; you get to your office to run some tests and get some numbers before you meet your advisor, and notice that the office computer is 'down' on account of maintenance; your office-mate (whom you had not set your eyes upon, all this long) is back and sitting by his desk with no intent of moving out - which means you have to listen to him all day making the kind of sounds that are so difficult to transcribe on paper; you reach out for the stick of gum you had in your desk and find it missing and then turn because your office-mate is currently involved in creating new annoying sounds, the kind that would make Wally proud, chewing what looks from the little you can see, like a stick of gum; you assemble some results and realize that all the input numbers are mixed up; and finally after a long tiring run, armed with all sorts of messed-up, nonsensical and misleading data, you reach your advisor's office to see a note addressed to you asking you to make the paper submission by today evening; and then see that his door is locked; you realize that he is done for the day.
He is done for the day!
you realize that he is out of town and won't be back till the new year; you get back to your office and see that your office-mate has left; you then pull open another drawer and notice that your stick of gum is here, after all; you check up for the paper submission deadline and notice that the deadline has been postponed to the first week of January; you realize that the fall from earlier this day has smoothened out the zit on your elbow; you come home and see a mail saying the gas bill had been miscalculated and that you are exempt from paying the bill for the next month as a token of their apology; you then realize that the dvd was not your rental and that it was actually your office-mate's dvd rental, so the fine was not on you; you realize that the little spot of ice you slipped on in the morning is all gone now and the weather forecast for the next week reads clear blue skies with the temperature in the 50s; you realize that you were going out of town tomorrow morning and had planned to clean out the fridge before you went and notice that it now seemed already done.
No wonder, people love Christmas!!

Another cricket related post. But I won't keep at it, I promise.
one could call this also a tale of two teams; england on the one hand had all in the media writing them off, faced problems of being plagued with injury and thus losing out on some of their key players, got a real whacking at the hands of the aussies in the first test at the Gabba and how did they respond? now, at the adelaide oval, they seem intent on making the aussies take them with a little fear and respect. as i write now, the aussies are still trailing by over 200.
And India on the other hand, got a thrashing at the hands of the Proteas and have in the final ODI given those few of us who happen to sometimes follow their fate, the distinct feeling that they and the proteas were batting on different grounds. not only is this complete surrender, i'm sure most of the players just want their mama now, especially sehwag.
now there are several routes i could take; dissect the performances?(not really possible since i haven't seen the batting, just followed the scores on cricinfo) write on the continued low form of sachin?(this is hurtful especially since some other contenders to the title of best batsman are currently in sublime form), talk of the futility of all the experimentation? or lament on the overall state of indian cricket?
all these are worthy of writing pages, no doubt. but what i wish to focus upon, now, is the general reaction of the indian junta. Suddenly, everyone wants ganguly back, all want sachin and sehwag out of the team, irfan pathan to get a hiding(literally if possible) and last but certainly one of the most popular opinions out there - sack chapell.
why?
i really don't understand this mentality. if your kids are doing dreadful in school, then does it necessarily mean that the teachers are terrible? would you want them sacked? if a certain train is late, is it necessarily Lalu's fault? apportioning blame onto one individual is one of the easiest ways out. and here blaming chapell is especially simple since he doesn't seem to be the meek, taking-the-crap-on-my-face kind. he doesn't seem to have 'respect' for indian tradition and culture(well you can always say that about anything, can't you?), etc.
some people would jumpt to say that chapell is not the only one going to get it, but his sacking is necessary as a punishment to him since he is being paid so much?
now, i would like to ask: ok. suppose we do that what next?
do these people with all their frustration coming out like that have any ideas about that? no, of course.
oh, yeah, as if suddenly ganguly or laxman are going to swing the whole thing completely!
what for instance, if ganguly were to fail? will these same people get out the ax again?
while i do agree that this has brought the team to a point of much introspection, or certainly should, it doesn't by any stretch mean that they aren't trying. seeing a couple of ads with these guys only seems to irritate us further, though really, it is no fault of the players there.
one thing that struck me as hilarious is when i saw a clipping of the speaker, somnath chatterjee say to the lok sabha, ' see, even a cricket coach is now abusing us!'
what cry babies!!
the moment that man gave a sharp retort to all the crap that came from the media and the politicians and they had nothing smarter to retort, they take the easy route!! incidentally i think all chapell said when asked what he had to say since there seemed to be a furore in the parliament over his position as national team coach was, ' well, they of course would criticize; they are paid to do that'...
is anyone talking about the BCCI's inability to bring in any real changes in the structure of the team?or the kind of facilities they have? or the kind of pitches they get to practice on? for being the richest cricket board in the world they are certainly the least efficient.
why blame the players alone? my anger is all directed at the BCCI for this. They are the real
culprits in all of this. and no one has the guts to say that in public. maybe some politicans will, if they want to get back at sharad pawar. and that tells us all that is truely lamentable; not one person with real power in his hands even has any real concerns over the game. we are stuck with a bunch of pathetic spineless opportunists incharge of the BCCI and for that, the poor 15 in SA are paying the price...
before i actually tell these fellows who are baying for chapell's blood to $!#&^@!, let me add this: the cricket board in australia went through a similar patch, where they were no match to england or the west indies till they set up their academy and made their process of selection , what it is today. and one of the architects of that movement was greg chapell.
if you doubt his sincerity, then there is no way to prove that. saying that he has yelled or spoken rudely with some players/officials etc is no real reason of any sort. a lot of things happen in the dressing room(in fact that is probably why it is called a dressing room; people can get a dress-down there!); not all that should be exposed to the public.
it is easy to explain why so many want that man off; he isn't brown! talking of slavery and all that is real bull since that makes no sense.
to me, this is outright racism. explain why it isn't.....