THE M-word, C-word Connection

Yesterday i was for some reason reminded of a debate during my ISI days in the hostel. the topic was, "Marriage, as a social institution has outlived its use". of course i did not participate but was listening to all the arguments that went back and forth. amidst all the rhetoric, there were a couple of compelling arguments FOR the issue but i felt that the arguments weren't strong enough; rhetoric isn't good enough to win a debate, you also need atleast a couple of strong arguments.
of course, the team arguing AGAINST, won the day then.

Yesterday, i was escorting my mom to DC(Washington) on account of it being probably the best day she would get to see in this winter(the temperature touched 70 F). The day certainly was one of the finest i'd seen in the past 6 winters now.
the return trip on the train saw a rather full train and so our seats were kind of distant. having nothing to do for the greater half of the journey, i sat rather bored gazing into the dark. soon enough i couldn't help overhear the conversation between the white lady in a black coat and the black gentleman in a white shirt, seated opposite me. they seemed to be office colleagues since the conversation did not have any of the awkward silences, a conversation between perfect strangers in a crowded atmosphere is bound to have. and despite all the hushes in the conversation and the rattling of the train, i heard the woman say something to the effect that she didn't care what others thought about this (whatever the 'this' was, i don't know) and that she preferred to live ln her own terms. and strange as brains are, i was reminded of that debate.
not by any simple direct connection. it is a little too difficult to analyze WHY i was reminded of the debate but that is not what i wish to talk about. i felt i had a bolder argument FOR the debate that the debaters totally missed.
now what i am about to propound is probably a little too bohemian and may sound `western' as well. i should also iterate that this is not how i feel about the whole issue or any such thing - the discussion is totally academic. and if the ulema of the married world are still ready to issue a sort of fatwa against me saying my head seems too addled, please remember that the train was rattling a fair bit.
in today's time, one's longest standing live-in relationship before marriage is with one's parents and that lasts about 17-18 years before one embarks on college life, which further leads to a different lifestyle altogether. and despite what one might argue, it is true that our personal spaces have sort of enlarged in the sense that we all seem to need more alone time and less intrusion in our lives -both physical and mental. the very idea of ` till death do us apart' seems, in this case, a rather strong restriction! i cannot help notice that to keep a marriage healthy, there needs to be a sense of exploration between the 2 involved. once one's tricks (so to speak) are all exhausted, boredom begins to creep in and after a while, the little nothings that we probably never thought were issues to avoiding a marriage, become glaringly big annoyances. sooner or later, the spouse becomes ( in chronological order) :
a) boring,
b) annoying,
c) boring and annoying (= irritating).
and this might happen without the irritator realizing that the partner has now assumed the role of an 'irritatee'.

in olden times, i would guess marriage kept the communities together. marriages were also (as we have learnt in our history books) one way to ensure peace or a means for annexation of empires or
strengthening one's position (socially, financially or any other way). and the kings of course always had their harems and the queens had all the servants and the jewelry.
in today's world, some of those key aspects seem to be losing their significance. especially with more empowered women finally speaking out against all the chauvinist crap they have to put up with, the equations are a little more balanced than they used to be.
call me a cynic or a pessimist if you will, but personally, i feel that people on the average, seem better to interact with if it is just for a few minutes and things get progressively worse like the proverbial stinking fish, within 3 days upon prolonged exposure. to use the C -word ( i mean culture and not the name of the ship on arrested development) to justify marriage seems to me an easy way to win an argument since that is one ill-defined term which can be and usually is abused no end. to say things like "marriage completes a man" is like saying that "childbirth maketh the woman". while these might be very joyous and wonderful phases of one's life, they are not these things by definition or by some zany extension of the word, 'culture'. and this seemed to me a rather valid debating point that no one in the debate even raised. i might (and probably am too) be wrong in some of my conclusions but nonetheless, i think the debating point is a good one.
finally let me sign off with another M-word and C-word: Merry Christmas!